The email wags are at it already. The best jokey email I’ve received so far is reproduced below for your enjoyment:
UK EARTHQUAKE APPEAL!!!
At 00:54 on Wednesday the 27th February, an earthquake measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale hit the UK, causing untold disruption and distress – Many were woken well before their Giro arrived. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged. Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in the UK.
One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17 year old mother-of-seven said: “It was such a shock, little Chantal-Nice Blonde came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning.” Apparently though, begging, thieving, and grovelling has carried on as normal.
The British Red Cross have so far managed to import 4000 crates of Sunny Delight, to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.
HOW YOU CAN HELP
£2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four. £10 can take a family to Stockport for the day, where children can play on an unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging nettles. 22p buys a Biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim.
PLEASE ACT NOW
Simply email us by return with your credit card details and we’ll do the rest! Don’t worry, we bank with a reputable UK bank (Northern Rock) so you know your money is in safe hands. If you prefer to donate cash, there are collection points available at your local branches of Argos, Iceland and Clinton Cards